GSS 1989 VIDEO YEARBOOK
(DVD, 60 minutes)
By Jonathan Culp

Cost: $20.00

You didn't have to be there to be entertained by this incredible time capsule of 1980s high school life, filmed over an entire year at Grimsby Secondary School! Travel back in time to a world where the hair was big, the music was cheesy, students could smoke indoors, and you could make a video like this without getting squashed by the school bureaucracy. This 60 minutes of fun was the first video ever made by Satan Macnuggit's Jonathan Culp, and it's still a riot!

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GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH
(DVD, 90 minutes)
A movie by Jonathan Culp

Cost: $20.00

Something is cooking in the deadly rural suburb of Grimsville, Ontario. A bunch of wayward youth take on Grimsville High, the Moose Meat Ladies and Squirrely's Pizza with their revolutionary underground grilled cheese sandwich club. It's the next best thing to getting the hell out!

"An unholy amalgam of Raymond Williams, 50s-era Charles Schulz, and John Waters!" (Wendy Banks)

Starring Amanda Brooks, Chris Mills and Leslie Walters
Original music by Bob Wiseman

Extras: trailer, documentary, interview, English/French/Spanish subtitles

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Video Clip:

Grilled Cheese Sandwich trailer

Visit
cheesemovie.com

for video excerpts,
behind-the-scenes news, production stills, and more.

CINERTIA #1 - My Year In Movies
By Jonathan Culp
(half legal, 50pp)

Cost: $4.00

JC's latest zine features his withering commentary on whatever cinematic goodies passed his way last year: over ninety reviews! With tons of pictures and a special bonus essay at the end.

You can just picture JC leaning back at his desk and smoking a cigar:

Sweeney Todd - "every time someone utters a note everything freezes dead and it's a cue to get up for popcorn/the crapper."

Murder Party - "the script's stabs at character development need to be improved or abandoned, and rather than surprising us with alternating funny-scary it sometimes sits too long in the middle."

Lola Montes - "the toil of the film-making efforts end up deflecting attention from Lola herself - maybe Martine Carol isn't up for the job like everyone says, but more importantly all that metaphor stuff seems to crowd out time she could use to draw us in."

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STUPID JOURNEY 7: THE SELKIRK ASTROLOGIST
(half legal, 40pp)
Found by Jonathan Culp

Cost: $3.00

This is an enigmatic and highly involved pastiche of stuff I found in a yard in Manitoba five years ago - all of it belonging to, apparently, the Selkirk town astrologist circa 1930. News clippings, astrology newsletters, diaries, photos, and an incredible array of hand-drawn astrological charts referencing the Winnipeg General Strike, Prime Minister Bennett, missing amnesiacs, and more. See if you can put the pieces together to solve the mystery of the man...

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CINE-VHS
(half letter, 20 pp)
By Jonathan Culp

Cost: $2.00

Subtitled "How to make a movie with two VCRs" - in 22 languages! And those are the last words to appear in this international, illustrated beginner's guide to the world of appropriation art. You don't need money to make a movie - just two old VHS recorders, a couple wires, and a critical eye. Talk back to the media with this funny and inspiring educational comic.

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220 DAYS OF MOVIES WITH AN ENORMOUS BALL
(half letter, 84 pp)
Jonathan Culp

Cost: $5.00

Over the winter of 2006-2007, Jonathan Culp moved back to the family farm, sought treatment for an arcane affliction, and lost himself in countless VHS movies from the local flea market. This zine is the result - more than 100 reviews of cheeseball horror movies, Hollywood classics, underground favourites, and more. Laid out chronologically, the videos flesh out a personal narrative of illness and angst. The latest installment in JC's decade-long "Stupid Journey" series.

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myspam
(half letter, 20 pp)
By Jonathan Culp

Cost: *** SOLD OUT!! ***

Tired of sitting at your computer reading endless volumes of spam emails? Well now you can take them on the bus with you. Jonathan collected the weirdest, most disturbing and funniest spams that he received in 2006 into a surprisingly poetic and readable compilation. Titles include "what's up", "you step closer to the toilet, we fix it", "How about a hulking cock?" and the popular "hi".

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sample spam:

Don't remember what a HOT night?

But they need to remember how hesitantly prime minister inside ruminates

LOOGAN BIN
Scene Wrecker CD
(CD, 13 tracks)

Cost: $8.00

The one and only official CD by Toronto's legendary art-punk songsters, Loogan Bin. Songs include "Down With Fun", "Maybe Not", "Knife Machine" and a cover of Liliput's "Die Matrosen."

"Full cool points awarded" - Jason Anderson, Eye Weekly

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LOOGAN BIN/THE BITERS
1996-2002 - Autobootleg # 1
(CD, 14 tracks)

Cost: $5.00

If you like the bonus stuff on the Loogan Bin and Biters archive pages, grab this higher-quality (everything is relative) version on indestructible compact disc. Lost tracks, live recordings and rehearsal tapes - everything you need from Loogan Bin's non-"Scene Wrecker" inventory, plus three live tracks and a duct tape jingle from JC's subsequent rock and roll unit The Biters.

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Go to the
Loogan Bin page

Go to the
Biters page

THE SUCK TRUMPETS
1986-1987 - Autobootleg # 2
(CD, 38 tracks)

Cost: $5.00

Upgrade your listening pleasure on this thorough compilation of nutty, lo-fi tracks from the 15-year-old home recording acoustic punk experimental comedians. Songs include "Thing In My Eye," "Emilio Dead Estevez," "America Is" and "Song So Bad It Could Be a Hit In Holland."

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TORONTO SUCKS: THE MUSICAL!
1998 - Autobootleg # 3
(CD, 19 tracks)

Cost: $5.00

Jonathan Culp's 16-cut demo recording for an unfinished pseudo-punk song cycle joins three mysterious four-track endeavours from the same phase - "Happy Hour at the Baghdad Ramada Inn," "I Would If I Could," and "Don't Get No Mud On the Floor." A portable rendition of this web site's beaty, hummable wallopers.

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Go to the
Jonathan Culp page